1
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:05,270
( song on radio )
     <I> ♪ get up, get on up ♪</I>

2
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,506
<I> ♪ stay on the scene</I>
          <I> get on up ♪</I>

3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,941
<I> ♪ like a sex machine</I>
          <I> get on up ♪</I>

4
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:12,978
<I> ♪ get up, get on up</I>
      <I> stay on the scene ♪</I>

5
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:15,080
<I> ♪ get on up</I>
     <I> like a sex machine ♪</I>

6
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:17,082
<I> ( radio clicks off )</I>

7
00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:19,851
Do you notice
       How this james brown is
       Always getting somewhere?

8
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:23,055
He's getting up,
  Getting down, getting back.

9
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:26,591
We should contact him--
I mean, as part of our mission
 To study life on this planet.

10
00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:29,228
Yes, but according to this,
  He's more of a machine,

11
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:31,463
A sex machine.

12
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:35,000
Oh, look!
        It's the campus police.

13
00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:38,237
- is there
      Some kind of problem?
    - ooh, actually, yes.

14
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,472
There's a star missing
       Right there.

15
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:44,876
And we think
We know who did it.

16
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,246
- this is your family?
     - why, yes.

17
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,648
That's exactly
    What we were going for.

18
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,918
Sally's the woman.
   I'm the tall, dashing man.
   Tommy is the adolescent.

19
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:55,587
And harry is...
    The funny-looking one.

20
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:57,556
I'm gonna have to see
 Your driver's license, please.

21
00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:00,492
Why?  We're not driving.
        We're parked.

22
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,461
Yeah, but you're parked
    On university property.

23
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,064
I<I> am</I> university property.

24
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,499
Here's my photo I.D.

25
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,668
It's just my head,
       But I assure you

26
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:12,071
The rest of me is
     Anatomically correct.

27
00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:14,306
Well, dr. Solomon,
       It's 2:00 a.M.

28
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:16,975
- so, let's pack this up
      And move it out.
    - right away.

29
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,545
Dick, what's
A driver's license?

30
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,947
It must be some kind
      Of human validation.

31
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:25,117
- we should get one if
     We're going to blend in.
   - I'm on it.

32
00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:27,519
<I> ( man singing opera</I>
          <I> on radio )</I>

33
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,821
Listen.
It's that guy again.

34
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:32,958
-<I> ( opera continues )</I>
     - god, it's amazing.

35
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,526
How does he
            Sing like that?

36
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:39,431
Dick, remember
      How I said I wanted
      To learn to sing?

37
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,468
I've changed my mind.

38
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,239
<I> ( '50s rock music playing )</I>

39
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:20,138
( fly buzzing )

40
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:31,583
( buzzing stops )

41
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:34,218
Where are you?

42
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:37,455
( sighs )
     Very well, I can wait.

43
00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:40,491
You're not watching me.
    I'm not watching you.

44
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:43,094
You're somewhere
In the room, I can feel it.

45
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,664
- good morning,
          Dr. Solomon.
        - yah!

46
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:48,833
( fly buzzes )

47
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,269
- what is it, nina?
      - here's the mail.

48
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:54,439
Oh, it's a letter
           For dr. Albright.

49
00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:56,608
She'll hold this
           In her delicate hand,

50
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,110
Insert a finger and rip
    Through the mucilage.

51
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:01,112
( sighs )
     She's just wonderful.

52
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:03,214
I knew you had
    A thing for her.

53
00:03:03,216 --> 00:03:05,283
Yes, but I understand

54
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:09,054
I'm not allowed
    To show it to her
    Without her permission.

55
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:11,489
( chuckles )
         Good morning,
         Dr. Albright.

56
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,792
- good morning,
          Dr. Albright.
        - good morning.

57
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:16,628
- dr. Solomon, I was
      Just thinking of you.
    - you were?

58
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:19,363
Yes.  I have a meeting
        With the rules committee
        On friday night,

59
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,365
And I just can't make it.

60
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:23,802
It's too late
 To try and get out of it now,

61
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,838
Unless you can talk
    Some idiot into replac--

62
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,840
Oh.

63
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:31,342
You look wonderful.

64
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:34,345
- is that a new jacket?
    - I'm entirely new.

65
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,748
Everyone on the rules
Committee wants to meet you.

66
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:40,351
- really?
   - we all think of you
     As the resident genius.

67
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:42,921
Please, I need you
To substitute for me.

68
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,923
You need me?
        I never dreamed

69
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,225
That I would be
        The man you needed.

70
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,227
I need you desperately.

71
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,395
( clears throat )
    Let me know

72
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:53,397
If it's going
    To get any deeper.

73
00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:56,001
I'm wearing
                Open-toed shoes.

74
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:59,838
- I'm not prepared.
- it's a dull, mindless group.

75
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,940
It's "The night
     Of the teaching dead."

76
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:04,542
Maybe I can shake things up
     With some fresh ideas.

77
00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:08,113
No one there would
Recognize a fresh idea
If it bit them on the ass.

78
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:10,815
Just pass these out
    For me, please.

79
00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,984
All right,
              I'll do it.

80
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,986
Thanks.
You've saved me.

81
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:17,689
Well, I am a manly man.

82
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:22,694
- well done.
    - another five minutes,

83
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:25,363
And he would have
    Given me a kidney.

84
00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,071
Next!

85
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,408
I can't believe how much
We have to go through
To get a license.

86
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:39,510
Yeah.  Then why
          Are we here?

87
00:04:39,512 --> 00:04:41,913
Because I want one.
If I have to be the woman,

88
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:45,216
- I'm not about to be
       Stuck at home.
     - mm-hmm.

89
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,886
"Stay behind orange line."

90
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:50,254
That's why nobody
        Ever gets to the window.

91
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:53,792
Hey, let's pull up
The slack here.

92
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,794
Oh!  There must be

93
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,929
Some sort
          Of flesh-melting
          Force field

94
00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,965
At the orange line.

95
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:03,267
- next!
           - no-ooo!

96
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,605
( laughs )

97
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,773
I'm sorry.

98
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:12,176
You know, cars must
Have some huge power
We haven't discovered yet.

99
00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:14,579
Look at this--
    The lines, the waiting,
    The testing.

100
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:18,249
Can you imagine what you
        Must have to go through
        To get a gun?

101
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,055
Next!

102
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:27,058
What is it they don't get?
      That woman says "Next."

103
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,060
The first person
             Goes to the window.

104
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,730
The second person moves
         To the orange line,
         Becoming first.

105
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:35,533
The third person becomes
      Second, and the rest of us
      Pull up the slack!

106
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:38,503
( inhales )
There are just too many
         Gaps in this line.

107
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,905
We should each
         Only be a single
         Person-thickness apart.

108
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:43,407
Good point.
    ( sniffles )

109
00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,443
I think everyone
    Should hear it.

110
00:05:45,445 --> 00:05:47,445
You think so?

111
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:49,848
Okay, people, listen up
         And nobody gets hurt!

112
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,783
( all screaming )

113
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:02,027
Tommy, have you been
      Sitting in that same
      Chair all day?

114
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,029
Hmm, let me think
       About this one.

115
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,031
Yeah.

116
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:09,333
You're supposed to be
Experiencing human
Adolescent behavior.

117
00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:13,237
Well, as an adolescent,
    Everything annoys me,

118
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:15,573
Especially the sound
    Of your voice right now.

119
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,375
- harry:<I> nothing.</I>
     - sally:<I> yes, you did.</I>

120
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,644
- I did not.
       - don't try to
         Blame it on me.

121
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,813
- did you get your license?
  - we were thrown out.

122
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:25,784
- on the bright side,
    We did outrun the police.
  - what went wrong?

123
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:29,287
Everything.  What do people
  Have to do on this planet
  To get what they want?

124
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:32,590
Today dr. Albright
   Wanted something from me.
All she did was ask.

125
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:35,259
- what did she say?
     - she said she needed
       My help

126
00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:37,829
And I looked wonderful
     And I'm a genius.

127
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,932
- she said that?
        - about you?

128
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:42,934
- yes.
      - and you bought it?

129
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,837
- well, I am
       The high commander.
     - wait a minute.

130
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,006
Something about this
      Doesn't wash.

131
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,041
She's doing something.
     ( gasps )

132
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,577
Now I remember,
       I read about this.

133
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,013
She's distorting
        The truth.

134
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,616
Dr. Albright would
       Never lie to me.

135
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:02,420
Wake up and snort
       The coffee.

136
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,256
Just because you
     Don't lie doesn't mean
     People here don't.

137
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,525
We're colleagues.
       I trust her.

138
00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:09,527
I command you
        To be more like her.

139
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:11,596
- like what?
        - like a woman.

140
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:15,166
- fine.  I can woman.
     - good.

141
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,468
- commander, permission
      To speak freely?
    -<I> granted.</I>

142
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:20,138
As the oldest
        Member of this crew,
        I feel it's my duty

143
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,707
To inform you all that
     This planet both wipes

144
00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:26,144
And sucks,
In that order.

145
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,546
What is your problem?

146
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:31,649
Something's wrong.
      My transfer's not holding.

147
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:34,219
I'm growing hair,
         And my armpits smell,

148
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,921
And there's a constant
         Circus in my pants.

149
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:38,923
Aw,

150
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,359
Our old man
       Is becoming a boy.

151
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,527
No, I'm serious.
       The seal's broken,

152
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:45,964
And I'm losing oil.
      Look at this.

153
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,966
- harry:
        Ooh!  What is it?
      - ( sally gasps )

154
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,401
It's a nipple.

155
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:52,837
- what am I going
         To do about it?
       - I don't know,

156
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:55,706
But until we figure it out,
     You should sleep
     In the shower.

157
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,614
( fly buzzing )

158
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,616
Man:
      <I> gentlemen, we have</I>
      <I> a guest member</I>

159
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,885
<I> of the rules committee</I>
    <I> with us tonight.</I>

160
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:09,688
Dr. Solomon, would you
     Care to share with us

161
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,356
- some of
     Dr. Albright's feelings?
   - oh, yes, of course.

162
00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:15,493
Well, first, on behalf
          Of dr. Albright,

163
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:18,797
I would like to say
          Welcome to this
          Big waste of time.

164
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,900
I'd say I've always
Wanted to put a face

165
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:24,368
With those men whom
        She affectionately calls

166
00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:26,370
"The night of
        The teaching dead."

167
00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:28,873
And may I say you
           Do not disappoint.

168
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:32,443
I can tell at a glance
      That you indeed are
      A mindless and dull group.

169
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:35,046
So, I would like to start
       With a fresh idea

170
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:37,949
That you won't recognize
        When it bites you
        On the ass.

171
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:41,385
Excuse me,
Does dr. Albright know
You're speaking on her behalf?

172
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,454
Don't move!
Stay where you are!

173
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:48,026
- dr. Solomon--
  - freeze!  He's still there!

174
00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:54,065
Oh!  You have
             A mole.

175
00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:57,568
A big, ugly mole.

176
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,273
Well, you're in early.

177
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,943
Dr. Byron told me about
    Your little speech.

178
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,310
Sorry I missed it.

179
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:08,880
Rest assured,
         I gave you full credit.

180
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:14,753
What the hell are
       You trying to do?
       Ruin me?

181
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:17,589
( stammers,
        Clicks tongue )

182
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:21,426
It will take me weeks
     To repair the damage
     Left in your wake.

183
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:24,162
- ( stammers )
         -<I> weeks.</I>

184
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:27,331
All you had to do was
Show up and feign interest.

185
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,434
Feign?  I will not be
           A party to feigning.

186
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,002
I always tell
             The complete truth.

187
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:34,639
The truth?
    Then I will be
    Brutally frank.

188
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:36,641
Good, I'll be
         Genuine dick.

189
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,781
I thought,<I> foolishly,</I>

190
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:46,384
This would be a good
Opportunity for my colleagues
To get to know you.

191
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:49,054
No one wanted to meet you.
I made that up.

192
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,322
So you lied?

193
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:55,393
I was bending
   The truth to flatter you.
   There's a difference.

194
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,763
I see.  So when we met,
    You said you were
    Pleased to meet me.

195
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,933
- was that a lie
        Or truth-bending?
      - figure of speech.

196
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:05,403
- when you said you were
    Impressed with my résumé?
  - light conversation.

197
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:07,706
When I moved in,
    You said you didn't mind
    Sharing your office?

198
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,841
Diplomacy.
         Anything else?

199
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:13,011
- yes, is that really
     The color of your hair?
   - absolutely!

200
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:19,017
You're upset,
                   Aren't you?

201
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:21,285
- tell the truth.
       - yes.

202
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,421
I thought I could
      Trust you.  I can't.

203
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:26,257
Trust me?
      You're the one who
      Lied and tricked me.

204
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:29,560
No.  It's not how you
     Lie to trick someone.

205
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:32,497
First, you start by--
You have something
On your tie.

206
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:38,302
Ah-ha, very clever.

207
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:41,706
Yes, I see how that works.
      You have something
      On your shoulder.

208
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:52,450
That's not how it works.
This is how it works.

209
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,853
Your shirttail's on fire.
That's how.

210
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,855
Your blouse
              Is on fire.

211
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:59,257
Stop-- get
    Your hands off--

212
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,425
- don't move!
- ( fly buzzing )

213
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,404
That was my fly.

214
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,373
I know.

215
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,548
On the subject
          Of universal truth,

216
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:25,650
Albert einstein
        Once said--

217
00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:27,652
( speaking german )

218
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:33,658
Any thoughts on that?

219
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:37,595
Anyone?  Yes, caryn.

220
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:40,565
Dr. Solomon, I think
       You were speaking german.

221
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,901
Yes, german.
     Einstein spoke german.

222
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:48,472
( sighs )
      Okay, I'll simplify.

223
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:52,911
"Scientific proof is nothing
   More than conditional truth."

224
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:56,014
We all understand
        What truth is, don't we?

225
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:59,851
Now, I have three
Of einstein's equations
    On the board.

226
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,087
Two of them are false,
     And one is true.

227
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:05,523
Who can spot
         The true one?
         Anyone?

228
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:08,259
How many of you think
     It's number one?

229
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:11,562
I'll give you a hint:
    It's not number one.

230
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,564
Here's another hint:
      It's not number two.

231
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,566
How many of you think
       It's number three?

232
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,336
Well, you're wrong.
    I lied.  I made them all up!

233
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,207
You see, lying
         Accomplishes nothing.

234
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:24,242
You can't trust
           Someone who lies.

235
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,245
You work with them.
  You think you know them.
  They ask you to substitute.

236
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,547
You make a fool
        Of yourself.
        They get mad.

237
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:33,051
And your sister can't even
      Get a driver's license.

238
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:36,520
Dr. Solomon, is this
    Going to be on the final?

239
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:38,790
The point I'm making is,

240
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:41,025
You have to tell
      The absolute truth,

241
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:43,261
Or else you just end up
    Confusing people.

242
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:46,798
But, dr. Solomon,
           Sometimes you just
           Can't tell the truth.

243
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,433
But why not?
          Anyone?

244
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,602
Leon, I'm going to
        Ask you a question,

245
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,005
And I want you to tell me
       The complete truth.

246
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,274
This won't affect
       My grade?

247
00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:00,111
Absolutely not.
        What do you think of me?

248
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:04,082
Uh... You make me
       Really nervous.

249
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,484
I don't know what's
    Going on half the time,

250
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,853
And when you walk
       Around the room,
       I'm always afraid

251
00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:11,823
You're going to hit me
    In the back of the head.

252
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:17,495
Thank you.
       There, you see...

253
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:20,165
The truth.

254
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:23,168
By the way, leon,
You're failing.

255
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:26,370
- I thought you said it
    Wouldn't affect my grade.
  - it didn't.

256
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,246
Anybody home?
                  Anyb-- oh, hi.

257
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:37,248
I brought you folks
             Your extra key.

258
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,750
Yeah, right.
          Good excuse.

259
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:43,187
You just wanted
    To come up here
    And stare at pimple boy.

260
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:46,957
You poor kid.
           I remember how it
           Feels to be your age.

261
00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:49,727
I remember how it feels
To be your age.

262
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:55,132
I'm going to go out
        And get some smokes.
You want to take a ride?

263
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:57,167
Yeah, whatever.

264
00:13:57,169 --> 00:14:00,571
It's really not fair.
           I can grow a pimple
           But not a mustache.

265
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,540
What's your secret?

266
00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:12,049
- solomon, sally.
       - here.

267
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:16,153
You failed the written exam.
    Come back in three weeks.

268
00:14:16,155 --> 00:14:18,623
I can't come back.
    I can't.

269
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:21,559
- sorry, those are the rules.
 - I need a license now.

270
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,494
I'm the woman.

271
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,669
I really need your help.

272
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,806
You must be a genius.

273
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:40,544
Your line is so big,

274
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:43,547
But it moves so fast.

275
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:47,351
Well, I do my best.

276
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:50,087
There's got to be
Some way you can help me.

277
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,590
I mean, I know
    You have a heart

278
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:55,993
In that big, hairy,
Wonderful chest of yours.

279
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:59,129
I bet pretty girls
    Beg you all the time, huh?

280
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:01,098
Okay, you can take
              The test again.

281
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,836
Thank you.

282
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:08,038
I could get
Very good at this.

283
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,213
Hey, what did you put
           Under "Weight"?

284
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,123
Tommy, are you all right?
Where have you been?

285
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:28,793
The mall, dick.
              I was at the mall.

286
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:31,261
It may be
        The most emotionally
        Satisfying place

287
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,364
I've ever been.

288
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,399
Were you able to observe
    Other life-forms?

289
00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:37,401
Definitely.
          Everybody there

290
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:40,438
Was as oily
       And disgusting as me.

291
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,540
It was a food court
        Of mutants,

292
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,443
A catalog of horrors,
       A freak show,

293
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,679
And I was
       Their lizard king.

294
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:51,349
Oh.  What do you do
      When you're there?

295
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:55,118
- hang.
       - what do you see?

296
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,120
Stuff.

297
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:59,157
I belong now.

298
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,659
Oh, yeah, stay out
Of my room!

299
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,161
( laughing )

300
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,766
Dick?  Dick, look,

301
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,935
I got my driver's license.

302
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:12,937
According to this,
You're a 55-year-old,

303
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:14,972
300-pound asian woman.

304
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,077
And an organ donor.

305
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,481
Dick, I got
    My driver's permit, too.

306
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,516
Yes, I expected you would.

307
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,854
I just want to say
           That I not only
           Accomplished my goal,

308
00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:32,856
But... I've discovered

309
00:16:32,858 --> 00:16:35,293
A softer place
                  Within myself,

310
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:38,696
And it is all because of
      You and your extraordinary
      Ability to command.

311
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,932
- thank you, lieutenant.
   - you have so many facets
     To admire,

312
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:44,268
Time prohibits
My naming them all.

313
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:48,139
Shall I speak
                Of your courage,

314
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:51,976
How you've led
        A ragtag crew of misfits
        Across the galaxies,

315
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:54,145
Fueled by
              Your brave spirit?

316
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:59,850
Or shall I confess
That your boyish good looks

317
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,686
Are stunted only
By your personal bigness?

318
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:06,124
Oh, where to begin

319
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:08,959
Simply exhausts
    My feminine mind.

320
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,563
- what are you doing?
     - lying.

321
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,235
- you like it?
       - it's incredible.

322
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:19,237
- I love it!
          - really?

323
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,739
- yes!  How did you do it?
   - anybody can do it.

324
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,775
Look at me, I've just
Done it once, and here I am,
Whipping it out there.

325
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,777
Wow!

326
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:28,779
I thought the truth
      Was potent,

327
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:31,249
But it's nothing
       Compared to this.

328
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:34,285
This makes me feel
   Powerless and susceptible,

329
00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:39,323
And ready to yield
       To your every--
       ( gasps )

330
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:42,493
I've got to find
        Dr. Albright.

331
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:45,263
This is wednesday.
            She calls it
            "Over the hump day."

332
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:48,999
I don't know what
That means, but I know
          Where she humps.

333
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:50,334
Tommy, we're going out.

334
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:51,569
- I'll drive.
       - no, I'll drive.

335
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,103
-<I> dick...</I>
    - dick:<I> harry called it.</I>

336
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:56,274
- shotgun.
      - I don't want to
        Ride in the back.

337
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,779
Dr. Albright, hello.

338
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,381
Hello.  Sorry we don't
     Have a chair for you.

339
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:06,316
Not a problem.

340
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,287
- you know dr. Byron.
     - yes, of course.

341
00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:13,958
You really should
Have that thing removed.
It's all I can look at.

342
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,193
- excuse me.
          - I--

343
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:18,596
Looks like there's
    Just the two of us.

344
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,698
I'll have a pitcher
             Of that stuff.

345
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:24,134
- may I see your
        Driver's license?
      - you bet you can.

346
00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:27,437
Okay, mrs. Wu.

347
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:32,610
I discovered something
Today, and I really need
To try it out.

348
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,812
Thorazine.
        I'll get you some water.

349
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,848
( laughs )

350
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:40,450
You see, you know
    These things.

351
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:43,220
You're so smart,
    And your...

352
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:46,390
Your looks--
Your looks are like...

353
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:48,392
A beer tap,

354
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:51,461
A golden rush
    Of drunken beauty
    With a nice head

355
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:54,732
Which spills
All down your blouse,

356
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,800
Leaving you sweet
And pungent.

357
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,973
That was pathetic.

358
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,509
Well, I'm sorry I'm not
As good a liar as you are.

359
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,411
Well, I'm sorry.
                I'm leaving.

360
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:10,681
Wait!  You're not
Finished with me yet!

361
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,616
Do you mind?
    We're talking.

362
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:18,088
Okay, you win.

363
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,090
- what is it?
   - I've realized something.

364
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:22,560
I can't lie to you.
    I wish I could.

365
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:25,996
It's just not something
That I'm good at,
Like-- like...

366
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,031
Actually, I'm good
    At everything.

367
00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:30,868
- can I tell you the truth?
  - why not?

368
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,936
The real truth is,

369
00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:34,972
You're delightful.

370
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:37,641
I love looking
        Into your face.

371
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:40,244
I don't know what it is
About you this evening,

372
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:44,014
Maybe it's the way
The light hits your eyes,
Maybe it's the wine,

373
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:47,351
But you look puffy--
    You should go home
    And sleep.

374
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:54,458
There.
    Is that better?

375
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:56,394
Sadly, yes.

376
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,997
May I walk you home?
    And be honest.

377
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,834
Okay.

378
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:10,708
<I> ( slow pop instrumental</I>
      <I> playing on radio )</I>

379
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,710
<I> ( radio clicks off )</I>

380
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,379
You know, if someone
          Had told me a year ago

381
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,481
That I'd be
                   Driving a car

382
00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:20,885
And sucking the flesh
           Off a dead bird,

383
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,120
I'd have
              Called 'em a liar.

384
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:26,624
Being human is far more
    Complex than I thought.

385
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,926
There is no absolute
      Personal truth here,

386
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:32,262
And these bodies don't come
  With an owner's manual.

387
00:20:32,264 --> 00:20:35,433
So every day these people
   Have to make up life,

388
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:38,669
And truth becomes
       Highly individual.

389
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,771
Oh, my god, dick,

390
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:44,107
What if this lying thing
Falls into the hands
Of the politicians?

391
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:50,113
Ooh, that's
           A horrifying thought.

392
00:20:50,115 --> 00:20:52,282
I think these humans
    Bend the truth

393
00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:55,118
Because this is
    A difficult place to live.

394
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,120
It's a lonely blue dot

395
00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:59,356
On the far end
         Of the galaxy.

396
00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:02,793
And all the half-truths
   And flattery and diplomacy

397
00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:05,362
Are the lubricant
       That people spread
       On each other

398
00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:07,431
To get over
        The rough spots.

399
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:11,168
It's a lot easier
       On our planet.
No one ever lies.

400
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:15,105
Except, of course,
     When you don't want
     To help somebody move.

401
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:17,307
- I was sick that day.
     - I helped you move.

402
00:21:17,309 --> 00:21:19,443
- sally:<I> I had two boxes.</I>
   -<I> who packed the boxes?</I>

403
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:20,945
Sally:
         <I> okay, listen,</I>
       <I> if we're gonna...</I>

404
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,516
<I> ( '50s rock music playing )</I>